A friend of mine sent this to me today – Valentine’s Day – and it’s a lovely reminder of how we hold each other in our “mind’s eye”.
On a trip to Kiniwata Island in the Pacific I had the most extraordinary experience. The island was outrageously beautiful and I had an enjoyable time, but the thing I remember most about my trip was the fact “Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife.” I remember Johnny every time I see a man belittle his wife or a wife demean her husband. When I see either one treat their partner with scorn, I say to them, “You need to know why Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife!”
Johnny Lingo is known throughout the islands for his skills, intelligence, and savvy. If you hire him as a guide, he will show you the best fishing spots and the best places to get pearls. Johnny is also one of the sharpest traders in the islands. He can get you the best possible deals. The people of Kiniwata all speak highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet, when they speak of him, they always smile just a little mockingly.
A couple days after my arrival to Kiniwata, I went to the manager of the guesthouse to see who he thought would be a good fishing guide. “Johnny Lingo,” said the manager. “He’s the best around. When you go shopping, let him do the bargaining. Johnny knows how to make a deal.”
“Johnny Lingo!” hooted a nearby boy, “Yea, Johnny can make a deal alright!”
“What’s going on?” I asked, “Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then they start laughing. What’s going on?”
“Johnny’s the brightest and strongest young man in the islands,” the manager said. “He’s also the richest for his age.” “But …” I protested. “… if he’s all you say he is, why does everyone laugh at him behind his back?”
“Well, there is one thing. Five months ago, at the fall festival, Johnny Lingo came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He gave her father eight cows!” I knew enough about the local island customs to be impressed. A dowry of two or three cows would net a fair wife and four or five cows would net a very nice wife.
“Wow!” I said. “Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away.” “She’s not ugly, …” he conceded with a little smile, “… but calling her ‘plain’ would definitely be a compliment. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she would never marry and instead of being stuck with her, he received eight cows for her hand in marriage! Isn’t that extraordinary? This price has never ever been paid before!”
The next afternoon I wanted to fish and find the extraordinary pearls the islands were known to cultivate, so I went to the island of Nurabandi. As I asked for the directions to Johnny’s house, I noticed Johnny’s neighbors were also amused at the mention of his name. When I met the slim, serious young man I could see immediately why everyone respected his skills. However, this only reinforced my confusion over him.
As we sat in his house, he asked me, “You come here from Kiniwata?”
“Yes.” My curiosity overrode my concern about being polite and I asked, “People there say you exceeded the normal marriage offering of only two cows. They say you gave eight cows and you grossly overpaid for your wife.” I paused. “They wonder why.”
“They ask that?” His eyes lighted with pleasure. “Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?” I nodded.
“And in Nurabandi, everyone knows it too?” His chest expanded with satisfaction. “Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita.”
So that’s the answer, I thought: Vanity.
Just then Sarita entered the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still for a moment to smile at her husband and then left. She was clearly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle in her eyes all spelled self-confidence and pride. Not an arrogant and haughty pride, but a confident inner beauty that radiated in her every movement. I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me curiously.
“You find her beautiful?” he murmured. “She … she’s gorgeous.” I said. “Obviously, this is not the one everyone is talking about. She can’t be the Sarita you married on Kiniwata.”
“There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps, she doesn’t look the way you expected?”
“She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo.”
“You think eight cows were too many?” A smile slid over his lips.
“No, but how can she be so different from the way they described her?”
Johnny said, “Think about how it must make a girl feel to know her husband paid a very low dowry for her? It must be insulting to her to know he places such little value on her. Think about how she must feel when the other women boast about the high prices their husbands paid for them. I would not let this happen to my Sarita.”
“So, you paid eight cows just to make your wife happy?”
“Well, of course I wanted my Sarita to be happy, but there’s more to it than that. You say she is different from what you expected. This is true. Many things can change a woman. There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside. However, the thing that matters most is how she views herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value that she projected. Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman on the islands. Because she feels valued, she is happy and very good to me. We have a good and happy life.”
“Then you wanted …” “I wanted to marry Sarita. She is the only woman I love.”
“But …” I was close to understanding. “But,” he finished softly, “I wanted an eight-cow wife.”
Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do your words and actions make your mate feel s/he is worth eight cows or just one cow? You are cheating yourself and your partner when you minimize your partner’s value by projecting that they are worth only one cow.
If you cause damage in this way, your loved one’s will start acting like a one cow person and your life will be miserable.
As a general rule people respond according to the value you place on them. Place a higher value on yourself and others by cherishing those that you love. Your life will be richer and more joyful living this way.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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