Archive for the ‘noticing’ Category

Written by:  Stacy Kamala Waltman

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Having been away from San Diego for a long period of time I have seen it grow from a small charming Navy town to a large urban city. Its quaintness has been replaced with savvy smooth restaurants and nightclubs yet there is still a small sliver of small town appeal. As with all change, there is both good and bad with the new and many faces of evolution this city displays. My mom has been living in San Diego continuously for some time. She loves the town and its transformations except for the one she says is most glaring: the weather. She claims “June Gloom”, a phrase used for the marine layer which turns any summer day into a cold foggy soup, is no longer just one month out of 12 but rather lasts for longer stretches of time.

My mom and I were talking on the phone a few weeks ago and she said, “San Diego has now become the new San Francisco!” I ponder this statement and funnel it through my lens of observation; the level of sophistication the city now exhibits. “Yes, I say to myself, San Diego has become more of an international hub.” And in the course of my conversations with others, I repeat what my mother said, “My, how things have changed! San Diego has become the new San Francisco. It’s now so sophisticated.”

Several days later my mother and I were having lunch and she says again, “San Diego has become the new San Francisco!” I think I know what she is talking about. This time she adds though, “You know I don’t like the fog!” And I then realize she never intended to make a commentary on the level of sophistication the city now wears but was simply making a statement about its change of climate. Ha!

How many times do we think we know what the other person is intending to communicate? Sometimes we check in with them for clarification and at other times we just go along thinking we understand and are being understood. Our filters sift through information on a regular basis; categorizing and evaluating experiences based upon what’s in our consciousness at any given moment.

Keeping the mind open to alternatives is a skill developed with practice. Meditation is a useful tool to help train the mind away from this tendency to limit and categorize as is Yoga Nidra.

Join us for the next Yoga Nidra telephone series on February 8. There are still four spots left.  Click here for more information and to register:  http://www.integrationcoaching.com/YogaNidraLevel1February8.html

Blessings ~


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Written by:  Stacy Kamala Waltman
September26, 2010

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Before the heroes journey our laser sharp and strategic mind identifies and postulates experiences outside – intellectually, abstractly and compartmentalized.

Everything neatly in its place constricted, rigid and controlled by repetition and stale, lifeless air.

Synapse grooves deepen becoming more and more entrenched.  Caring for others only when payoff wafts and ego satiated.

Enter Grace; as miraculous intervention.  With veiled eyes her gifts are discarded; valueless.  Our sight on another horizon of glory.

Refusing the rebuke while turning up the heat, Grace stands firm remaining cloaked.  We begin the journey; unawares.  A reluctant traveler still holding on.

Tests accelerate; tackle once depended upon melts as we enter hot swampy depths; tar pits, shadow selves and skeletons abound.

Hell, this must be we decide.  How will we survive?  We can’t possibly deserve this wrath!  After all!…..but the ripening has begun in spite of accelerated protests.

Applying what we know, failing again and again.  We need to become firmer the past demands!  Take hold!  I AM in charge!

Constricting tightly, then inevitable shattering into slivered shards.

Yet Grace still there gently smiling, showers us with fresh new gifts; courage and vision.  A newer and richer life  reflected in those threads of glass.

Light cast in radiant hues.

Vulnerable, scared, hopeless yet brave; new unfamiliar tools slowly hammer within.

Awkwardness increases in direct proportion to vision, vast.  Yesterday’s certainty a dusty mirage.

Beginner’s mind congeals as we traverse this dark night.  Unsteady and staggering we forge anew.

Today’s discomfort fights yesterday’s certainty; battle raging in a field of ambivalence.  To the death each one cries!

One is annihilated, the other truly born.

Grace, like a firefly flickers again with encouragement seen only with vision, clear.

Emerging from the darkened swamp, demons vanquished, black wood drizzled with dappled light; knowledge transmuting.

Wisdom weaves then integrates into cellular memory, the decay giving rise to the bloom.  A blossom rare.

As seasons pass, compassion springs forth from these seeded fields, no longer feigned.

Allowing, letting go, surrendering into interconnectedness. ~

Copyright © 2010 (Stacy Kamala Waltman)

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 Here is an excerpt from the book, The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist: 


Buddha told his followers that whatever they chose to give their attention, their love, their appreciation, their listening, and their affirmation to would grow in their life and in their world. 

He likened one’s life and the world to a garden ~ a garden that calls for sunlight and nourishment and water to grow.

In that garden are the seeds of compassion, forgiveness, love, commitment, courage and all the qualities that affirm and inspire us.

Alongside those seeds and in the same garden are the seeds of hatred, the seeds of prejudice, the seeds of vengeance, the seeds of violence, and all the other hurtful, destructive ways of being.

These seeds and many more like them exist in the same garden.  The seeds that grow are the seeds we tend with our attention.

Our attention is like water and sunshine, and the seeds we cultivate will grow and fill our garden. 

If we choose to invest our attention in the seeds of scarcity ~ acquisition, accumulation, greed, and all that springs from those seeds ~ then scarcity is what will fill the space of our life and the space of our world. 

If we tend the seeds of sufficiency with our attention, and use our money like water to nourish them with soulful purpose, then we will enjoy that bountiful harvest.


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The book, Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill is an incredible outline of principles that apply to all areas of life – not just the financial arena. 

Originally written in the mid 1950’s this book has the seeds of many modern day thinkers. In fact, according to it’s authors, echoes of Hill’s principles can be found in books by people as diverse as Wally “Famous” Amos, Mary Kay Ash, Ken Blanchard, Chicken Soup for the Soul authors, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen, Shakti Gawain, John Gray, Tommy Lasorda, Art Linkletter, Joan Lunden, Brian Tracey, Lillian Vernon, Anthony Robbins, Deepok Chopra, Steven Covey and others.

Hill sites a six stage process to obtain your desires:

1) Fix and hold in your mind exactly what you want. The ancient yogi’s call this “singleness of purpose”.  Today’s language uses the word, focus. 

2) Determine exactly what you intend to give so that you are both in a giving and receiving state. The ability to let go of expectations is part of the releasing aspect.  Coaching can help you manage the balance between keeping your thoughts energized and letting go of overly specific results.

3) Establish a definite date when you intend to manifest your desire.

4) Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put your plan into action.

5) Write out in a clear, concise statement, your desire, what you intend to give in return and clearly describe the plan through which you intend to acquire your desire.

6) Read your written statement aloud, twice daily. Read it just before retiring at night, and read it once after arising in the morning. As you read; see, feel and believe yourself already in the place you are envisioning.

At a time when the notion of our thoughts holding vibrational power was not popular or believed, Swami Sivanada wrote, “Thought Power” in 1887. This book is steeped in yogic tradition reminding us of ancient teachings that have been in our midst throughout history.

Long before yoga became mainstream, many spiritual masters taught that these teachings which have been passed along throughout generations are “a very old wine packaged in a variety of fresh new bottles”.

This week, be conscious of what you let into your environment. The energies of people, programs, gatherings, objects, etc. affect your vibration. 

If you journal, be conscious of the habit of only writing about what you don’t like or want to experience.  Retrain yourself to write ONLY about what you appreciate and value.  What you focus upon expands in direct proportion to the amount of time you spend on it. 

Your focus is your emotional currency.  Spend your currency on thoughts and feelings that enrich your life instead of those that drain your energy and reinforce a negative mind-set.

If you have set specific goals for yourself, make a concerted effort to only surround yourself with those energies that are in alignment with your aspirations.

Take yourself seriously and surround yourself with people that enhance your sense of well being and are like-minded.

If you would like to learn more about the power of your thoughts, please feel free to contact me at ic@integrationcoaching.com.

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Here is an opportunity to be reminded of how situations in our professional life appear depending upon where we are in relationship to the circumstances. 

The CFO’s tasks include minimizing expenditures, the Marketing Director’s job includes maximizing exposure and impact of the company’s brand and the Human Resource Director’s task includes handling the emotional and legal climate of the company. 

How well these individuals relate to one another and their respective roles in the company will have significant impact on the overall success of the organization. 

How do you manage the appearance of a different point of view?  How do you navigate the emotional waters of conflict in new ways?  Will you benefit from learning a new skill set so that you can expand your current capacity to relate and converse? 

Look at this clip and remember what you already know.  Gaining perspective can shift every area of your life. 


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A friend of mine sent this to me today – Valentine’s Day – and it’s a lovely reminder of how we hold each other in our “mind’s eye”.   

On a trip to Kiniwata Island in the Pacific I had the most extraordinary experience.  The island was outrageously beautiful and I had an enjoyable time, but the thing I remember most about my trip was the fact “Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife.”   I remember Johnny every time I see a man belittle his wife or a wife demean her husband.  When I see either one treat their partner with scorn, I say to them, “You need to know why Johnny Lingo gave eight cows for his wife!” 

Johnny Lingo is known throughout the islands for his skills, intelligence, and savvy. If you hire him as a guide, he will show you the best fishing spots and the best places to get pearls. Johnny is also one of the sharpest traders in the islands. He can get you the best possible deals. The people of Kiniwata all speak highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet, when they speak of him, they always smile just a little mockingly. 

A couple days after my arrival to Kiniwata, I went to the manager of the guesthouse to see who he thought would be a good fishing guide. “Johnny Lingo,” said the manager. “He’s the best around. When you go shopping, let him do the bargaining.  Johnny knows how to make a deal.” 

“Johnny Lingo!” hooted a nearby boy, “Yea, Johnny can make a deal alright!” 

“What’s going on?” I asked, “Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then they start laughing.  What’s going on?” 

“Johnny’s the brightest and strongest young man in the islands,” the manager said.  “He’s also the richest for his age.” “But …” I protested. “… if he’s all you say he is, why does everyone laugh at him behind his back?” 

“Well, there is one thing. Five months ago, at the fall festival, Johnny Lingo came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He gave her father eight cows!” I knew enough about the local island customs to be impressed. A dowry of two or three cows would net a fair wife and four or five cows would net a very nice wife. 

“Wow!” I said. “Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away.” “She’s not ugly, …” he conceded with a little smile, “… but calling her ‘plain’ would definitely be a compliment. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she would never marry and instead of being stuck with her, he received eight cows for her hand in marriage!  Isn’t that extraordinary? This price has never ever been paid before!” 

The next afternoon I wanted to fish and find the extraordinary pearls the islands were known to cultivate, so I went to the island of Nurabandi.  As I asked for the directions to Johnny’s house, I noticed Johnny’s neighbors were also amused at the mention of his name.  When I met the slim, serious young man I could see immediately why everyone respected his skills. However, this only reinforced my confusion over him.  

As we sat in his house, he asked me, “You come here from Kiniwata?” 

“Yes.”  My curiosity overrode my concern about being polite and I asked, “People there say you exceeded the normal marriage offering of only two cows.  They say you gave eight cows and you grossly overpaid for your wife.” I paused. “They wonder why.” 

“They ask that?” His eyes lighted with pleasure. “Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?” I nodded. 

“And in Nurabandi, everyone knows it too?” His chest expanded with satisfaction. “Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita.” 

So that’s the answer, I thought: Vanity. 

Just then Sarita entered the room to place flowers on the table. She stood still for a moment to smile at her husband and then left. She was clearly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, and the sparkle in her eyes all spelled self-confidence and pride. Not an arrogant and haughty pride, but a confident inner beauty that radiated in her every movement.  I turned back to Johnny and found him looking at me curiously.  

“You find her beautiful?” he murmured. “She … she’s gorgeous.” I said. “Obviously, this is not the one everyone is talking about. She can’t be the Sarita you married on Kiniwata.” 

“There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps, she doesn’t look the way you expected?” 

“She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo.” 

“You think eight cows were too many?” A smile slid over his lips. 

“No, but how can she be so different from the way they described her?” 

Johnny said, “Think about how it must make a girl feel to know her husband paid a very low dowry for her? It must be insulting to her to know he places such little value on her. Think about how she must feel when the other women boast about the high prices their husbands paid for them. I would not let this happen to my Sarita.” 

“So, you paid eight cows just to make your wife happy?” 

“Well, of course I wanted my Sarita to be happy, but there’s more to it than that. You say she is different from what you expected. This is true. Many things can change a woman. There are things that happen on the inside and things that happen on the outside. However, the thing that matters most is how she views herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. As a result, that’s the value that she projected. Now, she knows she is worth more than any other woman on the islands.  Because she feels valued, she is happy and very good to me.  We have a good and happy life.”

“Then you wanted …”  “I wanted to marry Sarita. She is the only woman I love.” 

“But …” I was close to understanding. “But,” he finished softly, “I wanted an eight-cow wife.” 

Think about your words and actions (both public and private). Do your words and actions make your mate feel s/he is worth eight cows or just one cow?  You are cheating yourself and your partner when you minimize your partner’s value by projecting that they are worth only one cow.  

If you cause damage in this way, your loved one’s will start acting like a one cow person and your life will be miserable.   

As a general rule people respond according to the value you place on them.  Place a higher value on yourself and others by cherishing those that you love.  Your life will be richer and more joyful living this way. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

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One day, Barry went to a lawyer friend for advice.  “I’m in real trouble” he said. “My neighbors across the road are going on vacation for a month; and instead of boarding their dogs they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming to feed them, if she doesn’t forget.  

Meanwhile they’ll be lonely and bark all day and howl all night, and I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll either have to call the SPCA to haul them away or I’ll go berserk and go over there and shoot them and then when my neighbors return, they’ll go berserk and come over and shoot me.” 

The lawyer patted back a delicate yawn. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “And don’t stop me if you’ve heard it before because it will do you good to hear it again.”  

“A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and BANG! went a tire. He got out and looked but he had no jack.  “Then he said to himself. ‘Well, I’ll just walk to the nearest farmhouse and borrow a jack.” 

“He saw a light in the distance and said, ‘Well, I’m in luck; the farmer’s up. I’ll just knock on the door and say I’m in trouble; would you please lend me a jack? “And he’ll say, why sure, neighbor, help yourself, but please bring it back.” 

“He walked on a little farther and the light in the farmhouse went out, so he said to himself, ‘Now he’s gone to bed, and he’ll be annoyed because I’m bothering him just when he’s trying to get to sleep AND he’ll probably want some money for borrowing his jack.  And I’ll say, “It isn’t very neighborly of you to ask, but I’ll give you a quarter.”

And he’ll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the middle of the night and then offer me just a quarter? Give me a dollar or you can get yourself a jack somewhere else.’  

“By the time the man got to the farmhouse the fellow had worked himself into a frenzy. He turned into the gate and muttered. ‘A dollar! All right, I’ll give you a dollar. But not a cent more! A poor fellow has an accident and all he needs is a jack. You probably won’t let me have one no matter what I give you. That’s the kind of guy you are.’  

“Which brought him to the door and he knocked angrily, loudly. The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and hollered down, ‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ The fellow stopped pounding on the door and yelled up, ‘You and your stupid jack! You know what you can do with it?!'”  

When Barry stopped laughing, he started thinking, and he said, “Is that what I’ve been doing?”  “Right,” the lawyer said, “and you’d be surprised how many people come to a lawyer for advice, and instead of calmly stating the facts, they start building up a big imaginary fight; including what he’ll say to his partner, what she’ll say to her husband, or how they’ll tell the old man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the jack and they cool off.  

“The next time I hear from them, one tells me that the partner was glad to meet him halfway; the gal says she can’t understand it, her husband was so reasonable she thought she must have gotten somebody else on the phone; the relatives found out the old man had already been asking a lawyer how he could give everything to them before he died, to save them inheritance tax.”  

Barry thought, “How true! Most of us go through life bumping into obstacles we could easily bypass; inadvertently asking for a fight and lashing out in blind rage at imagined wrongs and duplicitous foes.  

“And we don’t even realize what we are doing until someone startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on a dark night.”  

Well, the other night Barry was driving home from the city. He was late for dinner and hadn’t phoned his wife. As he crawled along in a line of cars, he became more and more frustrated and angry. He thought to himself: “I’ll tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and she’ll say, ‘Why didn’t you phone me before you left town?’   

“Then I’ll say, “What difference does it make anyway, I’m here!” And she’ll say, “Yes, and I’m here, too, and I’ve been here all day waiting to hear from you!”

And I’ll say, “I suppose I haven’t anything else to do but call you up every hour on the hour and make like a lovebird!” And she’ll say, “You never are nice when you call, rather you are mean, demanding – like a dictator!”  

By this time Barry was turning into the drive and he is plenty steamed up. As he jumped out and slammed the car door, his wife flung open the window upstairs.  “All right!” Barry shouted up to her, “Say it!”  

“I will,” she cooed softly with a smile on her face. “Wanna borrow a jack?” 


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