By Stacy Kamala Waltman
How many lies did you tell yourself yesterday? The stories, assumptions and interpretations we tend to make up about our unique capacities and limitations. How many over-generalizations and unconfirmed truths did you ascribe to someone you know? Here are just a few…
“I’m too old.”
“This won’t work out.”
“Strong women are controlling.”
“I work better under pressure.”
“Men don’t know how to communicate.”
“I can’t sit still long enough to meditate.”
“People who have money are selfish.”
“That’s just the way I am.”
“I can’t lose weight.”
“I can’t save money.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“Women are needy.”
“Men are untrustworthy”
“I don’t have time.”
“I have a black cloud over my head.”
“I need to get tense in order to get things accomplished.”
“Things should have turned out differently than they did.”
“Who do I think I am to try to attempt that?”
And the list goes on and on. These over-generalizations about ourselves and others expand and many times include adamant opinions about what “those people” are thinking and feeling.
This habit of ours to anticipate and fill in the blanks of our understanding with missing pieces of information that we make up so that we can feel as if we have all the answers, boomerangs back to us as limited understanding.
Our biases, many times having no basis in fact are what we use to define others and ultimately ourselves.
It is only when we look at our internal and external messages closely that we recognize most of the limiting and critical ideas we hold on to are based upon some type of fear: fear of change, fear of upsetting the status quo, fear of losing status, fear of the unknown, fear of losing our image, and fear of failure.
These restrictive messages become embedded in our psyche and evolve into what we eventually believe to be true. Our beliefs then become powerful de-motivators that actually cause us to repel instead of attract success. As a result of this habitual and limited thinking we unwittingly push success away in spite of our best outward efforts.
Our use of these “truths” to explain the behavior of others or hold ourselves back from attempting something new represents powerful, self-limiting beliefs that we create and perpetuate over time.
These “fictional truths” are habit forming carrying a catatonic vibration and, like a virus, infect every area of our life. Another result of making over-generalizations about ourselves and other people is that we also weaken our ability to tell the truth to anyone – including ourselves.
Recognizing that their life experiences have been clouded by negativity, many people try to change their lives with often ill-conceived attempts at positive thinking. This is like throwing a few buckets of water on a raging forest fire.
Other people through the help of a Life Coach or other similar techniques begin to notice their tendencies toward producing limiting thoughts and have learned to re-train themselves to simply notice – without judging themselves as bad or flawed people.
Positive thinking alone won’t help us create and maintain the success we desire. Positive thinking is however an incredible and powerful tool to be used after we have identified our restrictive core beliefs about ourselves and others.
So… if positive thinking isn’t the way to go, what is?
Give yourself an opportunity, perhaps today, to isolate a limiting core belief and actively use the tools in this article to carve grooves into the bedrock of that idea.
Over time, not only will you reduce the hold these ideas have over you but you will ultimately eradicate these entrenched habit patterns altogether.
When you decide to do this and really make a firm decision, it will become easy to accomplish. The first step is to simply notice. This small action of becoming aware can produce enormous rewards.
Keep a journal of the harmful messages you are repeating to yourself and include those times that you make over-generalizations about others. It is this simple. This is the art of noticing ~ not judging or ridiculing yourself. It is the quality of developing your capacity to become aware of your internal dialogue.
Becoming aware of your thoughts will ultimately illuminate previously hidden tendencies and thought patterns that have been controlling you. When you begin to notice limiting thoughts, you are exposing them ~ naming them, which is the first step in reversing their power and hold over you.
In yogic philosophy, this technique of noticing and later replacing limiting thoughts is referred to as: Yoga chitta vritti nirodha. This Sanskrit phrase written originally by Patanjali in his Yoga Sutras thousands of years ago refers to this process of replacing unwanted thoughts with their opposites. These sutras provide insight for solving this ancient human challenge.
In our western culture, we call a similar practice: creating affirmations and developing visualization techniques. In both cases the practice is simple AND it requires dedication to layer the foundation of new thought until it too is built up and becomes bedrock in our mind.
Decide that you are capable of achieving this goal!
To keep your new thoughts protected and well nurtured, develop an open ear as opposed to a closed mind.
Become aware of those people, including yourself, who may undermine your efforts with their negative communications or limited thoughts and belief systems. More than likely, these people don’t mean you harm. They just don’t have the skills yet to interact with you in any other way.
When you notice a negative person, take a break from them until your new thought system has taken root. While you can’t take a break from yourself, you can decide to develop the ability to notice your thoughts and actively listen to the words you are speaking.
Many times limiting thoughts are preceded by the words; ought to, shouldn’t, but, can’t, don’t, better not, always, should, never, or ‘they are this way’. The words you utter are powerful and they easily take hold in the mind molding perceptions and creating the life you experience.
As a result of becoming aware and monitoring your thoughts, you will discover that this approach gets easier and easier with practice. Over a short amount of time you will become a magnet for success as your new, positive thought forms are firmly established and a new core belief is embedded in your mind.
Your quality of life will be happier as a result of developing these new skills.
Today, thousands of people interested in self development are practicing the skills of noticing, managing the content of their internal messages and creating a better life for themselves with the help of a Life Coach.
These people have discovered that almost without exception, their “fictional truths” have not made life easier for them and in fact the opposite has been true.
When we base our lives on a set of biases, we close many doors and impose erroneous limitations on ourselves, family, employees, employers, neighbors and friends.
On the other hand, when we begin to notice our habit patterns and look closely at the opinions we have allowed to control us and acknowledge the power we have to change our thoughts and subsequently our lives, we open ourselves to a world of possibilities and potentials. Doors we presumed were closed or never existed begin to open.
Our words are powerful. Make good use of your innate power and create the life of your dreams with these simple tools.
For information about coaching with Stacy Kamala Waltman, please visit, www.integrationcoaching.com
For a greater understanding of Patanjali’s yoga sutras, here is a wonderful resource: Inside the Yoga Sutras: A Comprehensive Sourcebook for the Study & Practice of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0932040578?tag=wwwintegratio-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0932040578&adid=15FFVFKF6VREFY58VPEA&
May Peace, success, abundance and great health be yours!
Blessings!
Integration Coaching for Transformation ~ 